Jun. 28, 2004 - 8:37 a.m.

Have a Cow, Man!

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An uncharacteristically brief entry. But I'm desperate:

Wednesday is our 3rd Wedding Anniversary. I would have forgotten this relatively trivial matter, as I did the past two years, but NewWifey(tm) pointedly mentioned yesterday that if I wanted to see our FOURTH anniversary, I'd best come across with some sugar. And by "sugar", she means a card and gifts.

The card I can handle. I still have a stash of those free generic ones that the Disabled American Veterans Society sends out in a laughable attempt to guilt me into funding their gold plated wheelchairs. I just have to cross out "Happy Holidays and Remember a Vet" and write in some sappy "I Love You" variation.

But the gift....the gift....

I'm really not very good with gifts. I have yet to realize that MY tastes are not EVERYONE'S tastes also. So NewWifey(tm) gets cooking gear that she has no idea how to use, my kid sister gets Sears button down shirts in my size, and my 82 year old Grandmother got a NJ Devil's goalie mask for Christmas a few years ago (but signed by Martin Brodeur!!). Not one of them engendered a "Thank You" card for some reason.

Needless to say, I am expected to make ammends this time around. NewWifey(tm) has informed me that the 3rd Anniversary is the "Leather Anniversary", and she is anticipating an appropriate tribute.

Ok, ok, knock it off.

Yes, I immediately thought "Sex Toy" too.

However, NewWifey(tm) ALSO knew I'd be thinking along those lines, and immediately quashed them.

"We have several cows worth of those stupid "toys" already bursting the hidden closet by the seams. If I get another swing, whip, mask, bodice, pair of 9-inch spiked heels, or ball gag (I buy her one a month. Her mouth goes through them like chewing gum) I swear I'm gonna skin and tan YOUR hide. Do something tasteful for once. Ask somebody."

So I'm asking.

Leaving aside the obvious sex accoutrements (sorry wench77), anybody have ANY IDEA what might be an appropriate leather gift that a classy broad (insofar as a Midwestern Irish chick can be considered "classy") might enjoy recieving? She already has leather jackets, shoes, gloves, and motorcycle boots.

Any help is appreciated - and will probably contribute to my longevity.

Thanks!!

(And if I take your suggestion, I'll mail you a ball gag.)