Nov. 27, 2008 - 6:42 a.m.

The Plan

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1. Brine turkey in a salt-and-sugar water solution for at least 8 hours.

2. Rinse and dry the bird inside and out (if you want crispy skin, let the turkey sit on a rack over a baking sheet in the fridge overnight, uncovered).

Pre-heat oven to 400 (f)

3. Line a V-rack with several layers of aluminum foil and poke 20 or 30 holes through. Place that over a baking pan.

4. Tuck wing ends under the bird, and truss the ends of the legs together (or tuck into tail flap if you know how). Brush lots of melted butter all over the turkey, then place it breast side down ("upside down") on the V-rack. If it's unstable at all, wad up a ball or two of aluminum foil and use them as braces on the side. Place in oven.

5. After about 45 minutes reduce heat to 325 and flip the turkey onto its side. Cook another 25 minutes.

6. Flip the turkey to the OTHER side and cook 25 minutes more.

7. Finally flip bird breast side up (normal looking turkey position) and cook until breast meat registers 165 degrees and the deepest part of the thigh is between 170 - 175.

8. Remove to a cutting board and let rest 30 - 45 minutes. Deglaze roasting pan for gravy.

The brining causes some sort of voodoo magic cellular change thingy that keeps moisture inside the flesh even under heat. And flipping the carcass side-to-side during cooking insures that the dark meat temperature rises faster than the white meat, which it needs to do. Don't ask why.

9. While the turkey is cooking, prepare sides: caramelized onion, pear and blue cheese tartlettes, mashed potatoes with rye, panko-and-herb crusted baby artichokes, green beans with pancetta and mint. Set desserts on sideboard.

10. Serve with a real authentic Gewurtzraminer from Alsace, France. "Trimbach" is a good, readily available brand. I've been a serious drunkard for over 20 years. This is the best food match I've ever had.

11. Disregard steps 1 - 10 because your boss called late last night and you have to work all day on Thanksgiving. It seems your scheduled fill-in called in *cough cough* sick at the last moment.

Oh well.

NewWifey(tm) isn't exactly up to the task of assembling a feast all on her own, but she did promise me a consolation blow job when I get home.

And that's certainly not fowl.

Ciao!

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