|Dangerspouse Rides Again|
Garage - Track
Jan. 29, 2013 - 6:27 p.m.
3 weeks ago or so I was sitting in my ratty Man Cave recliner playing "Animal Crossing, Wild World" on the DS when NewWifey(tm) walked through carrying a load of laundry.
"Honey, why is there a green Peanut M&M on the wall?" She propped the laundry basket on one hip and reached out a hand.
"Don't touch that" I said. "It's not a -"
She touched it.
"What the....EWWWWWWWWWWW! EWWWW! EWWWW! EW! EW! EW!! DID YOU HOCK A GREEN LOOGIE ONTO THE WALL? AND NOT CLEAN IT OFF?? WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!"
"I didn't 'hock up a loogie'. I had a coughing fit and it just flew out. And I was gonna clean it up but my best friend Truffles the Pig needed me to run a package over to Victoria and she only gave me 5 minutes to get the job done or I'd lose friendship points ."
"You couldn't wipe a glob of mucous off the wall because you were obeying a cartoon pig? I can't believe you're playing that stupid game anyway."
It's not stupid! And it's not a cartoon. It's a video game. The characters are very well developed, with funny dialects and appropriate mannerisms. And if they like me, they give me stuff like lava lamps and funky wallpaper and hip outfits to wear. How cool is that?"
"How cool? That game is for, like, 13 year old girls! Can't you at least get a copy of Halo and leave the cover out for my friends to see so they don't think I'm a lesbian pedophile?"
"Ok, ok. Don't you have laundry to do?"
She glared at me. "And you better not be getting sick."
"I'm not sick. It was just my lungs' reaction to my socks."
The next day I was sick.
So very, very sick.
And now, finally, I'm not.
But I still haven't cleaned off that green M&M.
So if you'll excuse me....