Sept. 24, 2015 - 8:08 a.m.

The Pope is coming to NY!

The Pope is coming to NY!

THE POPE IS COMING TO NY!

THE POPE IS COMING TO NY!

On the same day NewWifey(tm) and I have to drive in and catch a flight out to Colorado. We're attending the wedding of one of my wife's bumpkin relations. There will be jello mold.

If you don't hear from me in a week it means I'm still sitting on the George Washington Bridge trying to get to LaGuardia Airport. Because the fucking POPE is coming to NY.

Oh - it's also the same day President Obama and a hundred and forty heads of state of foreign countries are in town attending the U.N. General Assembly.

Hieronymus Bosch couldn't have imagined a more disturbing scenario. If ISIS wanted to completely paralyze New York City and plunge its residents into the pit of despair, they couldn't have devised a better plan. I could see a lot of locals on the East Side particularly deciding that chucking it all and joining their ranks might be a good idea, because ISIS specifically mentions in their charter: gridlock is punishable by beheading, like everything else. That's a particularly persuasive recruitment tool here.

The Pope is coming to NY, people. The fucking Pope.

Pray for me.

(But at least this gives me the chance to repeat a favorite, and now VERY relevant, joke: How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her like an Altar Boy.)

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