Mar. 18, 2017 - 7:27 p.m.

The Troubles

There are some conflicts that are destined never to be resolved.

Israel vs. Palestine

Sunni vs. Shia

The Irish vs. Those Other Irish

Corgi vs. Vacuum Cleaner

and now

Ginger Ale vs. Beer (vs. Apple Cider)

I know you've all been on the edges of your respective seats wondering how yesterday's Great Corned Beef Controversy played out. Well I'm going to tell you, now that I've sobered up enough to find my keyboard.

To recap (if you don't want to go back and read yesterday's magnum opus):

1.This past Thursday, March 16, my brain went AWOL and I thought it was Friday, March 17 - Saint Patrick's Day.

so I

2. Rushed home and cooked an entire Saint Patrick's Day feast.

an even larger Saint Patrick's Day feast than usual because

3. NewWifey(tm) and I have been embroiled in a years-long argument over the best way to make corned beef.

so I

4. Cooked one corned beef the way she likes it (slow cooker with Ginger Ale), one the way I like it (steamed over beer), and a third just for the hell of it (in an apple cider soaked clay pot).

but then

5. NewWifey(tm) came home and lovingly drew my attention to my intellectual deficiencies.

so I

6. Packaged up three corned beefs and all the other crap I'd just spent 5 hours frantically preparing and put them in the fridge.

so we

7. Could eat them on Friday. Yesterday. Saint Patrick's Day.

And that's what we did.

First I made French toast out of some of the Irish Soda Bread for breakfast (see yesterday's pic). That's always a winner. Then we played Mario Cart on the Wii for a few hours (NOBODY beats me on Rainbow Road). Then I set dragged all the containers of corned beef and fixin's back out of the fridge, re-heated them, and threw 'em on the table. I didn't bother re-setting the good dining room table this time. The kitchen nook was fine. And it's NOT BECAUSE I'M DISPIRITED. Shut up.

I guess I should provide picture evidence.

Ok this was Thursday late afternoon, a staged shot of the finished dishes right before I set the table. Right right before NewWifey(tm) came home and killed my dreams.

So, clockwise from the upper left we have roast carrots glazed with orange and thyme, resting on the unglazed clay pot that cooked Corned Beef #1 with apple cider and onions. Top row center is the corned beef that simmered in ginger ale, with its onions also. Far right, top, is the corned beef steamed over beer. Below that is a steamer basket of potatoes that sat above the corned beef as it steamed over beer...so, beer steamed potatoes. To the left is slices of the raisin, caraway and orange zest Irish Soda Bread. Then mashed potatoes. And finally, the Patented Guaranteed Fartless Slow Braised Cabbage. It looks like...well, it looks like shit, frankly. Long braising bleaches all color out of it. But you'll never be satisfied with mere boiled cabbage again if you ever try this shitty looking mess, trust me:

So that whole production had to be re-heated the next day and set out again.

It looked like this:

Lol. Now it ALL looks a mess, doesn't it. To be perfectly honest I wasn't in the mood to do a set piece a second time, so I just tossed down cutlery and stuff without any care. Plus, we were well into our second 6-pack by then. Mario Cart is thirsty work!

What followed was a solid hour of tasting one corned beef after another. Each had to be tried on its own, with a schmear of mustard, with a wad of cabbage, and with and without a slug of beer. That was something like 9-factorial forkfuls of corned beef. And another six of beer. Plus sides.

After all that, what was the verdict?

I'll tell you:

She's WRONG!

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

There's no WAY that stupid, sweet, characterless ginger ale abomination of a hillbilly redneck trailer trash concoction is better than the rich, bold, nuanced, and yes, noble beer steamed version. No way!

We each tried all three, and each reach opposite conclusions.

Her favorites, in order:

1.Slow Cooker in Ginger Ale

2. Apple Cider

3. Beer Steamed.

Flip the list upside down, and that's my preference.

So you see? She's WRONG!

Women!

.

.

Er...but I'm gonna be cooking it in Ginger Ale from now on. Don't get me wrong, I really did prefer the corned beef that was steamed over beer. But I like sex more. So...ginger ale.

Women!

Ciao :)

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