Mar. 14, 2004 - 7:49 a.m.

Oh my god, I can't believe I found this. I swore I would never post a pic of myself, but this just illustrates the insanity of Community Radio I was talking about yesterday all too well. Feast yer eyes:

Now, this is the first pic I've ever tried to upload. We got this new Scanner thingy a little while ago, and it just sits on my desk growling at me. But it's aparently all bluff, because I stuck the photo in and pressed one button, and a minute later the image was magically in my "Porn Downloads" folder. Hooray for Dell integrated systems! Um...I have no idea how big it's gonna be though. Sorry if this turns out to be 1x1 pixel (or conversely be so big you only get a magnified view of my eyelash lice).

Oh...you want to know what the pic is?

Well, that's me in the stupid station sweatshirt and matching stupid station hat. I'm manning the WNNJ promotional booth at the "Sussex County Vo-Tech Exposition", an annual display of local businesses that the public was supposed to come and be wow'ed by.

They had me seated next to the emergency exit, which we blocked completely, in an uninsulated concrete building in the middle of February. My arms were fully retracted into those sleeves, and if you look closely you can see nip action going on. That smile is really a rictus of impending rigor mortis. And, uh, I needed a haircut. (But back then I was still the drummer for Poison, so it was ok).

But that's neither here nor there, really. What I want you to notice is the table in front of me. There are a few things happening in this innocent looking shot:

- There is a big Wheel-o-Fortune on the right. But...where do you place your chips when the wheel is spun?

Answer: We didn't have a number mat. People would ask for free playing chips (see sign) and we would tell them to think of a number.

- Ok, so if the number they thought of was the winner, what did they win?

Answer: See that expanse of yellow sheeting on the table? That contains every item up for grabs. In case the photo isn't clear, that's nothing. I would just offer the lucky winner my hearty congratulations, and he or she would walk away feeling all warm and fuzzy about WNNJ.

- There's a push button phone on the table to my left. With no handset. The cord extended up to my right over a small sign, so people would assume there was a handset behind it hooked up to some bit of mysterious radio equiptment. The station wanted it to look like I was ready to dial the studio at a moment's notice with breaking news from the Expo ("Spring Street Shoes has just set out the new Odor Eater pamphlets!"). But the owners didn't actually want to pay for a phone hookup, so they just gave me a junk phone body for show. They figured everyone would be so dazzled by the free prizes we were offering that they wouldn't notice the sham. (They were right).

Well, you get the idea. Twice an hour I would yell out "C'mon over, folks! Play WNNJ's 'Spin the Prize Wheel'!" and wait as a small group of heavy lidded locals wandered over and suspiciously eyed our setup. I would explain the rules, which always generated some confusion, then hand out chips. At the end, whoever said they guessed the winning number raised their hand and I would congratulate them. Then I took the increasingly stained and worn paper chips back, and continued reading my book until the next "contest".

This was actually one of the less dignity stealing duties I was called on to perform there. But at least I have photographic evidence.

Ok, it's a beautiful - if brisk - day out. The snow has finally, finally melted enough that I can see the trail. And it's my one and only day off. My boots and helmet are clean and waiting. You know what that means:

Dangerspouse Rides Again!

Have a nice weekend, kids. And don't touch that dial!