Apr. 12, 2004 - 3:41 p.m.

Mice Will Play

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Tomorrow: How I spent my second day while NewWifey(tm) is at her sister's in Indiana.

or:

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

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Oh, Easter? Funny you should ask. Some may recall that my saintly 84 year old grandmother insists on preparing every course of every feast at every family get-together, despite the fact that each dish emerges from her kitchen looking, smelling and tasting like scorched wallboard. May god smite my last remaining testicle if I'm lying here: the woman got up at 3am to put a 14 pound turkey into a 400 degree oven, and didn't remove it 'til 11am. She let it cool on the counter til we ate at 2. That bird would have stopped a depleted uranium round. I managed to eat some skin near the tail that was a slightly lighter shade of onyx, but otherwise I just pushed sawdust around on my plate and pretended.

So that was my Easter dinner: turkey skin. Oh, and Grandma's traditional Shrimp BB's (jumbo shrimp boiled in white wine and garlic for two hours. You know they're done when they fit between the tines of a salad fork).

OH NO! I forgot to leave the toilet seat up!

Ah, the joys of bachelorhood........