Dangerspouse Rides Again

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Garage - Track

May. 15, 2014 - 9:46 p.m.

Elbow Room

Well, here we go. By this time tomorrow NewWifey(tm) will have already been sick of my whining for 7 hours. I'll have watched The View, Oprah, and Nate Burkus back to back and will have turned gay. And I'll already be out of Percoset.

Thanks to everyone who left nice and/or snarky comments in my Notes section. Sorry I didn't get back to any of you with a return comment, but I suck. Seriously. I mean, I could probably say something like "but my elbow hurts too much to type out individal thank-yous". But that would be a lie. Truth is, I just felt like being a dick and blowing off that social nicety. Doesn't mean I feel any less thankful to any of you, though. I just suck. You know how it is. Yes you do.

Ok, gotta go down one last gallon of water before I hit the sack, since I can't have anything to drink for 12 hours before the surgery. That's actually a more daunting prospect to me than no food for 12 hours. I have enough - WAY enough - fat reserves to call on and keep me rolling if I get hungry. But water? Where do I keep excess of that if I get thirsty? My eyeballs? I'm really afraid I'm gonna end up like one of those dessicated Somali refugee babies with papery brown skin that crackles and tears every time they move.

NewWifey(tm), of course, thinks I'm being overly dramatic. But we'll see who's sorry when vast portions of my body start flaking off and blowing away if there's a stiff breeze tomorrow.

Ciao, kids! Next time you hear from me I'll have a manly new scar. And a pissed off wife....




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