Dangerspouse Rides Again

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Garage - Track

Nov. 12, 2015 - 6:55 p.m.


Well this should be good. I just found out I'm gonna be on with Billy Burke ("Twilight") tomorrow.

I've never heard of him, and I didn't see the movie. Time to hit up IMDB.com and do some show prep, I guess. Anyone out there have a burning question they always wanted to ask this guy? The only thing I can think of is "What do you like on your pizza?"

Seriously, you want to know what's great about being culturally ignorant (in my line of work, anyway)? When you don't know who someone is, you're not star struck or nervous around them. It makes it easier on me, 'cause I can just be my goofy self without sounding like either a 14 year old squealy-girl or a craven sycophant.

I think it relaxes the guest also. They feel like they don't have to be "on" yet again for some idiot fanboy interviewer. "What do you like on your pizza?" is actually a question a lot of them would rather hear than "Hey, remember that one scene where you tore that guy's arm off and tossed to the zombies and then said that awesome thing? Y'know, that awesome line! C'mon, do that line!!" Unless they're there specifically to promote a film, that is. Then I just say, "So tell me about your new project" and go to sleep for 22 minutes until we have to go to commercial.

You know what I do find trying? When I'm on the station where I'm the news anchor, they sometimes have a fill-in guest host. And some of the guest hosts are...how shall I say ...fit intellectually or ethically only to be rendered down for their tallow. I'll give you one example: last year I had to be on with Michele Bachmann. For an entire week.

Yeah, you don't need to say it. I hate myself too. But that mortgage bill comes due every month, y'know? You'd whore yourself out too. You know you would.

Oh who am I kidding. I suck....


Tomorrow: "What do you like on your pizza?"

Wish me luck.

Ciao, you little people!





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