Jul. 21, 2016 - 5:08 p.m.

"Hi Dr. Nick!"

This time tomorrow I'll be bolted into a carbon fiber elbow contraption and blitzed out of my mind on Percoset (and Maker's Mark). That's assuming I don't succomb to quackery or Act of God. Or my wife shooting me for being a pussy about pain.

Speaking of: none of you guys (nor some of you girls) better touch NewWifey(tm) if I don't make it.

I say that out of concern for YOU, btw, not her. Heed my word here.

Ok then. Play nice, don't leave the seat up, call your mom once in a while, and remember to floss while I'm gone. I'll know if you don't.

See ya on the other side....