Dec. 28, 2017 - 12:59 p.m.

No Pony.

So what'd ya get, huh? We're you a good little munchkin and got that pony for Christmas? Or were an evil Mnuchin, and got not only the pony but also the stable, the stable hands, free transport on a government jet to visit your pony with your wife who loves you for your looks and charming personality and not because you gave her a duvet made out of uncut sheets of American currency, and everyone else's pony?

I didn't get either one.

You know what I got?

An ugly Christmas sweatshirt with a tractor on it.

A tractor? Yes, a tractor.

And not even a sweater. An ugly Christmas sweatshirt with a tractor on it.

What the hell? Was Santa telling me I needed to get plowed for the holiday? Spread cheer AND manure? Wear bib overalls?

NewWifey(tm) saw the quizzical look on my face.

"Yeah, about that" she said. "The store sent the wrong one. You were supposed to get a matching sweatshirt for this." She tossed me another package, soft and smaller. I tore it open.

*gasp*

A GIRLS UND PANZER SHIRT!

Santa DOES love me!

"The sweatshirt version should get here in a week or two" NewWifey(tm) said. "In the meantime, you can keep the tractor. They didn't seem to want it back."

"Gee, I wonder why."

My wearable anime obsession wasn't the only thing I got, though. Under the tree Santa also left

AN ALL-CLAD STICK BLENDER!

I have wanted one of these atomic blitzing wands for years. I do have one, but it's an anemic consumer model that's pretty much a stick blender in name only. It's actually so under powered that I can make mayonnaise faster by hand. Plus it's about 15 years old now, and really starting to show it. I was planning on getting a new one - same model, since it's one of the few in my price range - after the new year.

But Santa came through! With an ALL-CLAD, no less!

Check out this new bad boy next to 'Ol Wheezy':

Between that and my Vitamix, I'm gonna be able to puree my freakin' Subaru now if I need to.

Oh! In addition to the weeaboo anime shirt, I also got

Drumroll................

THE MATCHING WEEABOO FILM!

Yes! The "Girls und Panzer" anime series was made into a film 2 years ago, but they only just released the English subtitled/dubbed version like a month ago. I was seriously considering stowing away in the wheel well of an ANA jumbo jet and catching the film in Tokyo if I had to. But now I don't.

Oh heck, what's another beauty shot?

(Hmmm. I'm noticing a theme to my Christmas presents over the years. We even had the same meal: a prime rib roast. I wonder what that says about me?)

I also had a stocking, hung over the VCR with care, and when I awoke I found it crammed solid with little airplane bottles of various alcoholic libations. Thanks, Santa! I wonder how he knew....

Still, as wonderful as that pile was, it was nothing compared to the swag NewWifey(tm) got under the tree.

Ready for this? I got her an Epilady, with the upper lip attachment.

Oh yeah. I got some that night, you better believe it.

That's about it. I just wanted to post a quicky here before I drank that entire stocking and forgot what the hell else I got. Stupid fragile neurons.

I hope you had a merry one, too. Sorry if that was your tractor sweatshirt I got. I'm wearing it now, btw. It's actually very nice.

Ciao!