|Dangerspouse Rides Again|
Garage - Track
Dec. 24, 2019 - 7:51 p.m.
The Lasagna With Meat Sauce Board of Standards Wins Christmas!
NewWifey(tm) got a letter from her mother this morning:
Yes, NewWifey(tm) named her Animal Crossing character "Soylent". I'm pretty sure she's trying to give me a hint. (Some pretty dark stuff pops up in that universe. One note I found on the beach said, "If you're reading this, it's too late for me. Please see that Mary and the kids are taken care of." Another said, "Right now I'm writing to you from far, far away. (signed) Your Conscience". Rather grim sentiments for a game targeting 8 year old girls. And me.)
So tomorrow is Christmas. I hope you finally get that pony this year. (And if you do, drop me a note. I've got some great recipes).
Me? I had the forethought to request the day off months ago, so earlier this week I bought a ton of classic holiday foodstuffs (spent 3 days making a demi-glace from 10 pounds of bones for a sauce for the crown roast!), wrapped all my presents and put them under the tree THAT I DECORATED, set up a timer so the Yule Log Christmas Soundtrack will blast us out of bed at 6am, put two bottles of Pol Roger NV Champagne to chill in the fridge for breakfast, and purchased a fresh tub of KY Warming Gel for traditional after-breakfast festivities.
And then my boss called yesterday.
They're shorthanded. I have to work Christmas.
The worst part was breaking the news to NewWifey(tm).
"So...no morning boink?"
"I'm sorry. It'll have to be an afternoon boink this year. And you'll have to start cooking the feast for me. I won't be home til 2, earliest."
She stared at me as if I'd asked her to perform ambulatory brain surgery on herself. "Cook? A crown roast?"
"It's actually pretty easy" I said, "All you have to do is French the bone ends, then get some butcher's twine and - "
With that she turned, grabbed her car keys, and took off down the street. I kid you not, she was out the door before I even finished the sentence.
A half hour later she returned and slammed a grocery bag on the counter.
"We're having lasagna for Christmas."
I opened the bag. Yup, there was a lasagna in there alright. A frozen one, "Now with 2X the meat required by the Lasagna With Meat Sauce Standard" (huh?).
"That's not very festive" I said.
"Wait here" she said.
30 seconds later...
"There. Now it's festive":
Yeah, it sure is.
Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you get to unwrap someone nice under your tree tomorrow.
And...just in case:
For the cucumber
For the lingonberry jam
For the horseballs
For the sauce
For the potatoes
(If it's not possible to get a hold of lingonberries, or lingonberry jam you can substitute red currant jelly. It's not the same, but it works.)