Dangerspouse Rides Again

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Garage - Track

Jan. 09, 2016 - 7:17 a.m.

Gimme a ring.

Oooo, did I mention what NewWifey(tm) got me for Christmas? (Other than the de rigueur booze and blowjob, I mean.)

A metal detector!

I've wanted a metal detector for years, as our house is surrounded by 30,000 acres of woods that were the site of Revolutionary War encampments, battles in the border war between NJ and NY, 17th century Dutch settlers before that, pre-Columbian Indians before them, and god know what else. Probably alien landings.

I've been walking the trails of those woods since we moved here in 1999, and I've always wondered what kind of artifacts might be lying right beneath my feet from centuries past. There are old crumbling rock walls, boundaries between long abandoned properties and fields that run hundreds of yards through what is now thick forest. There must be all sorts of interesting historical objects (I always imagine, anyway) scattered among the scree.

Knowing I've always been curious (since I yammer on about it constantly) NewWifey(tm) broke down and got me the detector. Probably to both shut me up and get me out of the house.

And it worked! I did both yesterday.

Yesterday, I finally took my new baby out into the woods to see what I could find. I'd spent a few days familiarizing myself with the unit, testing it under controlled conditions so I could discern the different tones and what they meant. It's actually more nuanced than I thought.

Anyway, as I say, yesterday was its maiden voyage in the field. And it did great! It found me TONS of flattened old beer cans!!


Seriously people, Americans drink a LOT of beer. At least from what I can tell from my experience yesterday. Cheap beer, too. What is wrong with us?

But I also found this after about an hour, near the base of a tree and under about 4 inches of soil and decaying leaf cover! (Sorry about having to link to the pic. I've used up my Gold Member allotment of picture space here.)

Because that ring was down so deep I have to assume it's been there a looooooong time. At least 20 years, maybe more. It's absolutely pristine, too. Not a scratch or mark on it. I really think that whoever purchased it did so the very day they lost it. Maybe they weren't used to wearing rings. Or maybe they were drunkenly celebrating their purchase and didn't feel it slip off. Who knows. All I know is, it's mine now. It even fits!

(BTW, it's not worth much despite how pretty it is. NewWifey(tm) examined the marks and pronounced it sterling silver, .925. There's a "CI" mark also, which she says indicates cubic zirconia. Checking prices online it looks like .925 Sterling Silver men's rings with C-Z stones go for less than a hundred bucks as a rule. And I'm pretty sure it's C-Z, not tourmaline. Either way, it was an absolute thrill when I dug down expecting another ancient can of Bud and saw that glint of silver and jewel instead. And it looks fucking awesome in a 70's porn star way, to boot. I'm thinking of chucking my fancy-ass gold 15th century reproduction Posey Ring wedding band in fact, and wearing this puppy from now on. Er...assuming NewWifey(tm) approves, of course *cough*. Wish me luck.)

Ok, that's it. Sorry this was a such a quick, boring, and self aggrandizing entry, but I've gotta leave in a few minutes for my kid sister's birthday party a couple of states away.

With my new ring!






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