Dangerspouse Rides Again

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Garage - Track

Sept. 17, 2023 - 5:37 p.m.

Yes, SUCK. .

You all suck.

I poured my heart out in my previous entry and not ONE of you promised to extract bloody revenge in my name. All I got was meaningless expressions of sympathy, evidence-free postulations that I would be ok, and one offer of a blowjob (nice, but would have been better had it had come from a girl).

You suck.

But there's still time to redeem yourself. So go. Now.

I was originally going to relate one of the stories I mentioned in my last entry. But so much time has passed that I thought I should instead give an update. So here it is:

Still unemployed, unemployment insurance ran out last month, I have no kidneys left to sell - not my own, anyway - and my PornHub Super User subscription cost is going up at the end of the year.

I broke three - THREE - teeth from stress grinding them to literal dust in my sleep. Had all three yanked.

I lost my voice for a while because of something called "silent reflux" - another stress related malady. Medicine has helped though, so I'm back to annoying NewWifey(tm) at full volume again. Hooray!

The tax man swallowed almost half of my severance check. As a result we have to move to cheaper digs. I suggested North Korea or Antarctica, but NewWifey(tm) thinks we might be able to swing an unheated tar paper shack in the Ozarks. I admire her optimism.

We're now sprucing up DangerHouse to make it more attractive for potential suckers buyers, doing most of the work ourselves. But we had to call in a contractor to repair our disintegrating back deck.

Guess what? The contractor found that not only was the deck falling down, but so was the part of the house it was supposed to be attached to. You read that right. "Supposed to be" attached to. Previous owner hired someone whose work wasn't good enough for Brazilian favelas. Not only did they not set the porch posts in concrete, they just drove a few nails from the deck directly into the house hoping that would suffice to hold it there. It wasn't. The entire structure has been gradually making its escape, and in doing so opening gaps into our house. 25 years of rain, ice, and heat, has left us with a dining room floor that is now being held up by 60% mold and sawdust.

Between stress eating and stress drinking I've put on 30 pounds since February, and my liver has just been declared a Superfund Site.

NewWifey(tm) had to leave last week to help provide palliative care to her ailing mother. She'll stay down there til the end. To say this has cast a further pall on the proceedings is an understatement.

It's not all News of the End Times, however. Check out these positives:

I can still get it up.

I won some photography competitions, and had two photos exhibited in a gallery when they were chosen as finalists in a Nikon sponsored national event. Shame you can't make money snapping pictures any more. But it's still nice to get pretty ribbons, which look great in my pony tails.

NewWifey(tm) is an absolute unit. If anything, this crisis has pulled us closer together. Head is just as frequent, sloppy, and enthusiastic as ever. Plus it turns out she has a (lesser) secondary skill: she's good at re-shingling and painting a house.

I'm at level 502 in Red Dead Online, WOOT! Only took four years of sitting on my ass. I humbly acknowledge your applause.

There's still free porn on the internet. (Sorry, should have give a Spoiler Alert first.)


99 percent of the world is dealing with devastating wildfires, catastrophic floods, plagues of invasive zombie ants, demeaning Tik Tok challenges, political upheaval, religious beheadings, schools that double as shooting ranges, science deniers, food shortages, water shortages, and a fucking Barbie movie. But not New Jersey. Here at Dangerhouse it's been a mild summer. Temps in the 70's and 80's. Not too much water, not too little. Nothing's on fire. As one of the more educated states in the union we can exit our house or enter a school, without worrying that a 2nd Amendment enthusiast will exercise their constitutional right on us (there is a correlation). In that same vein most people here are vaccinated, believe in climate change, believe the earth is an oblate spheroid, believe in shutting the fuck up about their religion, and believe the Barbie movie violates the Geneva Convention. Our grocery stores still have plenty of bacon and Nutella. And politicians here mostly busy themselves with graft, not our lady-folks' bodies. Ok, Tik Tok is a problem, I'll give you that. But otherwise, New Jersey right now is practically Shangri-La.

Unfortunately, Shangri-La is also a very expensive place, which is why we're leaving it. I better buy that bullet proof vest and flat earth map now so I can fit in with my new neighbors....

Ok, I think you're all caught up now. Your reward for hanging in there is a bunch of cat pictures - something you can't find anywhere else on the internet.

Dell saw me petting another cat:

He heard a can of tuna opening somewhere in the neighborhood:

Pretending to be badass:

Finally, while NewWifey(tm) was away one day I dragged Dell's cat tree into the kitchen and took shots as he launched himself onto the kitchen island. Let this be a warning to you, ladies. Never leave your man home alone.

Next time: more exciting photos, and hopefully less exciting news. Until then, ciao!




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