Dangerspouse Rides Again

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Garage - Track

Nov. 05, 2013 - 4:33 p.m.

Another Death in Another Mall

I'm getting tired of having all my morning newscasts begin with yet another story of a patriotic American vigorously expressing his (it's always his) 2nd Ammendment rights. Usually on someone else.

This time, fortunately, the shooter only ended his own life, liberty, and pursuit of hot chicks rather than a gaggle of 7 year olds or a hardworking immigrant father of three who sought asylum here because the government back there wasn't doing a good job of keeping him safe. So at least we'll be spared another typically garish over-the-top American expression of public sentiment like a commemorative song, t-shirt, or teddy bear memorial. Rather than, you know, something less dignified. Like legislation.

Why are the words "well regulated" and "milita" erased from the copies of the Bill of Rights that are given to The People Charged With Keeping Us Safe?

Oh well, I shouldn't complain. For me, carnage is job security. So keep on packin' and stand your ground, Mr. and Mrs. God Bless America. Your news anchors are counting on you.

I sometimes wish I could be stricken with empathy fatigue. I've read about it, I've heard about it from other media guys, but I've never experienced it. At least not to the extent I'd like. While most stories just roll off my tongue, and back, without making any psychic impression at all, there are still a few topics that irk me whenever they show up. Arming dolts is one of them. And by "dolts", I mean average Americans of course. You don't have to be Sylvia Browne to predict that that's just asking for drunken trouble, along with another lecture from Wayne LaPierre about how even more bullets ricochetting around in confined spaces would have saved them all.

I dunno. As a newsguy I'm obliged to point out that overall incidents of gun violence, insofar as I can figure, have decreased, rather than increased, over the last 40 years (although spectacular media orgasm inducing mass slaying have not, not by a long shot...so to speak). On the other hand, it's still 20 FREAKING TIMES MORE than other countries ranked in the OECD. I mean, it's nice to be #1 - and by a mile at that - but silver medals aren't so bad either, you know? Can't we strive for that once in a while? They'll still clap us on the back at the office Christmas party for a job well done.

And as long as they don't hit the shoulder holster, they'll be safe.



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